A big thank you to anyone who read my word vomit of a post earlier this week. I got a much higher number of views this time so I know it got read, whether it was just to measure my level of crazy or because you cared. Either way, I appreciate it. If you still wanna offer up any insight to hopefully help calm my crazy, you're more than welcome to. You could even email me. Or tweet me. Whatevs. But thank you again to those who read it.

In other, non-insane news, I am in love with life in October. The weather is cooler (Texas cooler, that is) and with so many Halloween/Fall events coming up, I'm a happy girl. This month so far, we've had a lot of fun little firsts in Violet's world.

1. First time in a car cart - oh the squeals! // Just a cute new plate, thanks to the HEB // First Scholastic book order!
2. First set of Holiday artwork (melt my heart) // I celebrated a coworker's retirement // First year she's actually scared of Halloween :(
3. First time facing forward - eek! // First time ever with play-doh. Crazy huh? She loves it. // Trader Joe's pumpkin errything

I'll end this post on a fun note because we did something so super exciting last night - we bought a new refrigerator, gas range and microwave! I'm so so flipping excited! Isn't it crazy what we get excited about now?! ha! It has been a long time coming and I'm just about to burst with happiness that we could finally make it happen. It's fitting for this post too because this is our first big purchase for our house! Sure, we got new carpet recently but that was a wedding gift from my parents. THIS, we're doing on our own and I'm way proud of us. I'll be back tomorrow with pictures of our fancy new schtuff!

On a #2.

Ask any of my close friends and family and they'll tell you that YES, Jessica really want a second child; it just depends on the day you ask her. And probably on how much sleep she got the night before.

I've been going back and forth with the idea of a second child probably since Violet turned 1. But it was just me being me and stressing for no reason because I never wanted a second child within 1-2 years. And every time I would talk to Ronnie, he wasn't really on board anyway. He'd say stuff like "Do you really want those sleepless nights again?", "Don't you like all of our focus just on Violet?"... All valid feelings that I too was feeling, I was just getting wrapped up in the superficial reasons for having another baby. Getting to name him or her, shopping for them, how cute she'd be as a big sister, outings with our little family of 4...not really thinking about the reality and $$$ of it all.

Fast forward to the past few days when it hit me that Violet turns 3 in February. No matter how many times I've gone back and forth about wanting another one, I always knew one thing for sure - I wanted my babies to be 3-4 years apart. No more, no less. And considering it would take however long to make a baby (especially because of my PCOS history) + 9 months to bake him/her....we'd have to make our decision to get busy ASAP. So, cue the freak out.

Now that we're HERE at the point of deciding on a possible second baby, my mind's been racing with all the pros and cons of why we should and I just can't figure out my stance. It's all very emotional to me and while some people might call me dramatic or say I'm way overthinking it, I can't say I agree. Having a second baby - adding another HUMAN to this earth! - is a ridiculously huge decision and there's no going back once you go there. (Not that I'd ever want go back on it, but you know what I mean.)

To make matters more confusing to me, recently Ronnie has actually started to warm to the idea of another. Every time he sees Violet play with other kids or especially when he sees her playing alone, it breaks his heart and he says "Let's just do it, let's have another! She NEEDS a sibling.". But I know him and I know he's going through the superficial reasoning that I've often gone through. We see her loving and just cuddly, sweet personality and we know she would be an amazing big sister (and I'm tearing up just typing that)....But would I, would WE, make amazing parents to two children?? Or would she be just fine as an only child??

We're already stressed as it is, our schedules are stretched to the max and we're just now getting to the point where we're dreaming of taking family vacations in the next year, now that Violet is getting older. We also daydream of all the fun things we can do ALONE because now that Violet is at this fun, interactive age that it's easier on the grandparents to take her, they're actually taking her more often lately. So even with the hectiness of it all, we're in our groove and things are running smoothly. A year from now things may even be SMOOTHER, what with Ronnie having finally graduated and hopefully having found a good full time job by then. (He WILL have a great job by then - gotta put that good juju out there!)

That's all just a small part of it because what about MONEY. Everything is just so . freaking. expensive nowadays. Can we afford daycare AND preschool? What about those two new cars we were talking about getting next year? (that we NEED) What about staying put and being content in our 2br house - we'd NEED a bigger house sooner than later. We can say goodbye to any family vacations for a good while. And I can also say goodbye to the possibility of me ever working part-time hours like we'd talked about. It's just so overwhelming when I think about it and I'm afraid that's how our life would be with a new addition - OVERWHELMING. Are we ready for that? Do we want that?

Ok, all of that sounded so very selfish but it's honest, y'all. These are legitimate things we need to think about. And having said that, I want to add that we don't take our one amazing child for granted. I know there are many people who want even just one child but can't and that's completely unfair bullshit. And here I am talking the way I am when I already have my girl. But trust me, at the end of the day, I am the most thankful to just have been able to be a mother at all. I never thought it would happen (that damn PCOS) so our surprise baby will always be considered a miracle and a gift to us and we'd be perfectly content to stay the little threesome we are now. We are just at a crossroads now and I (we) need to be sure we make the right, best decision for our family's future and for her. It's a big one.

I know it's something within ourselves and within our family to figure out but if you have any helpful insight (either way), I'd love to hear it. Especially if you're also an easily stressed out, maybe even A.D.D. person like me. ha. I appreciate anyone who reads or even comments on this insane novel of mine. :)

hello, june!

To be honest, I dread Texas summers because the HEAT. Oh, the heat. However this year's weather so far has been unseasonably cool and not bad at all! The fact that today is June 2nd and it's only a high of 90 (yes, ONLY), is actually kind of wonderful. The month of May was downright cool in comparison to the years past and it was just really nice. So hello, June! I'm actually happy to see you! And since I haven't updated since Easter (typical me), here's what went on with me + us during the month of May.

(Ronnie and I both upgraded our phones to Samsung Galaxy 5s in May and I'm finally loving the pictures it takes (I was iffy at first) and I've also been using the crap out of the VSCO Cam app after I discovered it had finally come to Android!)

We're Spurs fans in our house so them making it to the playoffs has totally taken over our lives! // We've been eating much healthier and grocery shopping is actually more fun now - I love this picture of us at HEB :) // The cutest Cinco de Mayo babe! // A client sent me and some of the work girls to a playoffs game and it was awesome to see the Spurs win and to run into Spurs Jesus! // We had a much needed date night and celebrated Ronnie's birthday, Mother's Day and our 1 month wedding anniversary (that makes me laugh) all in one. We went to the Luxury for dinner and beer, Rosella for coffee and ended the night at Target ;) // Mother's Day was wonderful. Landa Park in the morning with his mom and then the afternoon with mine. // Violet has taken off this month and become the most talkative, outgoing little thing ever. We're so proud! // Mama got her first haircut since last September!

Violet's not only more outgoing but she's become even sillier, if that was even possible. I'm totally in love with this age. // I painted her toesies for the first time! I used Piggy Paint and highly recommend it for the littles. // I went on my annual spring work trip and this one was at a Disney Resort. Holy gorgeous!! // We hired these 3 celebs for our conference attendees to get a photo op with and you know I took advantage of it too! // Returning home was the best! What a difference from the last trip I took. She was sooo excited to see me and loved all her Disney presents. // Ronnie has taken off with his landscaping hobby and our yard looks great. We've been making many trips to garden stores. // Could she look any bigger here?! // We had a ton of rain last month and I actually loved it. I hope June brings more of it!

That's that for May! 

I've totally slacked on blogging but I'm always on Instagram (where all these pictures were posted) and I also spend a ton of time on Twitter because it's fun and because none of my nosy family hangs out there (ha) so follow me there!

Happy June!

We're official!

9 years after we met.

8 years after we started dating.

4 1/2 years after we got engaged.

2 1/2 years after we bought our first house.

2 years after we had our baby girl.

We finally did it.

We got married yesterday!!!!!

// mr. and mrs. c.a.s.h. 4-11-14 //

I can't even tell you how happy I am that we made it official. We really have felt like a married couple from the moment we moved in together and felt like a real family the moment I found out I was pregnant but THIS, this makes it official and we are so so happy. I finally get to share a last name with my now HUSBAND and our daughter! Marriage wasn't a necessity for us but I'm glad we made it happen. Yay marriage!

Whoa, it's April already.

Where has the time gone? I swear I forget I even have a blog sometimes and then it hits me and I feel awful for not updating it in so long! So what have we been up to?

Well, last I told y'all, Violet turned 2! And since then, she has been very. much. a. two. year. old. People weren't kidding with all the talk about terrible twos ;) The tantrums have been upped, her stubbornness is holding strong (Thanks, Ronnie for passing on that gem! ha) and she is just totally fearless! But it hasn't all been terrible, not even close.

She's sillier than ever and has so much more energy! She makes the funniest faces, learned to stick out her tongue (because I showed her how I curl my tongue one time and it stuck!), talks so so much, laughs at eeeverything as if she even understands our jokes, dances constantly and she wants to hug and kiss us all the time. She loves hugging and kissing so much that she's even started her dolls on doing that with each other and it melts my heart. Violet has really taken after me with the feistyness and bit of attitude (whoops) but she's a total sweetheart, too. We're amazed at how smart she is and she leaves Ronnie and I looking at each other like "Did she really just do/say that?" nearly every day. Two really does have its terrific moments as well :)

On the Ronnie end, he's doing SO well at his job and is even considering taking a full time position. It would be great for him but it's also a huge bummer because it means putting off school yet another year. (He's having a ton of issues with his school. Of course it's not the case but you would swear they've chosen him out of their 30,000+ students to pick on and make it difficult to get back into school after his last year off. Don't even get me started.) On the weekends he's been spending a ton of time on our yard and it looks mighty pretty, I must say. We still need new grass and some other landscaping but he is well on his way with that! We had a date night a couple weekends ago and that was our first one since September! I cherish that alone time with him and hope we can make date nights happen more often. We so need it!

As for me, I'm still on the forever hunt for a fun hobby (besides drinking and social media). I'm just not creative and not sure what I can get into. Things at work are the same (good!) and I'm now prepping for my annual Spring work trip. We're going to Orlando at the end of May and our event will be held at a Disney Resort! I'm pretty excited about that! Can you believe I've never been to Florida?! I've been to airports there but that doesn't count. I wish Ronnie and Violet were going with but it's not currently in our budget and honestly, I'm not ready to spend a ton of $$$ on taking my 2 year old to Disney. I'd rather save that for when she's 4 or so. Ya know? Plus, I'll be so busy during the event, it wouldn't be fair to leave them on their own. 

So that's that! This is actually a really exciting and hectic week for us with something super fun coming up but I'm being super secretive and no one will know until it's happened. I'M EXCITED! Stay tuned ;)

All of these pictures were posted on my Instagram. Follow me there if you're not already! 

toddlerhood lately...

Cupcakes, twinkle lights, tantrums, obsessing over stuffed animals and decorating for Christmas is basically what's been happening in her toddler-hood. I didn't even mention in my last post that Violet turned 21 months on Thanksgiving. Seriously - how are we only 3 months away from her turning 2?! I was just acting all shocked and brokenhearted over her turning ONE!

Not to say this kid isn't already preparing us for two though - the terrible two's have slowly been creeping their way into our house for a few weeks now. Violet had her first public meltdown just last week, while I was paying at Old Navy. MY happy place! I felt like an awful parent with everyone staring and sighing but I remained calm and we got through it. And that is life with a toddler. This stage has honestly been one of the most trying and exhausting times we've had with her so far but I can say it's also had a way of becoming one of my favorite stages. Everything is just so exciting to her and she's so curious, so much more than just a few months ago. It's like she actually enjoys things now, like a real life KID! ha Which also comes with being vocal about disliking things too and the constant "No" but we won't go there ;)

She has her favorite stuffed animals, she loves making animal sounds, dressing up, getting into our cabinets and destroying the kitchen, hugging on and irritating our cat, being outside in the cooler weather and her favorite TV shows (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Pajanimals, Sesame Street, Sid the Science Kid and Doc McStuffins). She's always asking for "wawa" (water) and "molk" (milk), starts saying "nigh nigh" when she's sleepy and if we'd let her, she'd take a bath multiple times a day. She's now to the point where she's actually repeating things you tell her to say. Soaking up everything like a sponge, I tell you. And we're seeing a definite left-hand prominence in her recently which I'm really curious about. I'm not sure if you can tell those things at this age? I'm just blown away by everything she's doing and how rapidly she is changing and growing! I'm getting more and more excited every day for Christmas morning at our own house and seeing her sweet little face react to it all. 

our first fire of the season and her first time seeing a fire. she was in AWE and turned so cuddly and sweet. Swoon.

her new favorite spot under the tree // "key" shoes // cupcake monster

favorite "munk" and "tweet tweet" // um the tag says 2T but that's way wrong // her own chair at Grammy's

our morning scene

i'm sure her next word is gonna be "gentle" as much as we've been saying it lately :)

So one week into 21 months...
minus the whining over eh-very-thing and the whacky toddler emotions, this girl is perfection :)

this and that.

This week has been a little crazy.

 

First, my car started acting the fool. The a/c will blow hot at first and then after a couple minutes of driving, it starts blowing cold. It's happened before but when my car was under warranty. I'm not looking forward to taking it in now and having to pay for it. And it's not like I can go without a/c anytime soon either so it HAS to keep working. Hello, south Texas problems.

 

Then, our water heater started leaking on Tuesday night and just completely soaked one side of the garage. I'm still not ready to go out there and see what or if anything got ruined. Hello, Christmas boxes. Thankfully, Ronnie was able to fix it and it's back in working order now. My hero. I was dumb to never add "handy" to my list of husband requirements but I lucked out and got it anyway ;)

 

Then, there's this kid. She's just chugging along with us, through all the random drama we seem to have.

 

Some days I feel so guilty that we had her (our "surprise" baby) when we did. When we weren't prepared for her, money or time wise. But then I snap out of it and remember that we manage just fine and she's a happy, healthy, wild child and that's all I could ever ask for. No matter how hard things can get, these are the days I know I'll always remember fondly.

 

And on a side note: that little elf ear of hers doesn't seem to be going anywhere and that makes me happy. I love it.

 

And I just have to share this because honestly, it makes me SO proud. It's only 16 seconds long but to me, the too-embarrassed-to-act-silly person that I've always been (and always hated about myself), I am ECSTATIC that she's turning out to be a goof just like her dad. 

 

we weekended like pros.

Truth be told, sometimes as parents, you forget to just be you or to just be a couple. Maybe that doesn't happen in every family but it really has for us. We're both so busy with either work, baby, school... that we just don't make the time for ourselves. It irritates us so much when people are talkers and not do-ers so we've really tried to not be that way and just make shit happen! And in the recent weeks, we've actually pulled off "me" time and date time. I really, super love it.

Last Friday, we went to the Cocktail event that I'd mentioned winning tickets to. It was so nice to just have a night with my sexy bearded man! The food was yummy, the cocktails were even better AND it was all free! Oh, free beer too. Guess what we drank the most of that night? We got in a ton of people watching, listened to some good music and got to see some art. It was fun! Honestly, the crowded bar atmosphere isn't our thing anymore but we said screw it and had a blast. Go, us!

Saturday was a really great day, too. Lots of down time with our girl and we even got her crib set up for the transition from co-sleeping to sleeping on her own. (By the way, it's been amazing. We're ALL sleeping much better and should've done this long ago.) That night we met up with my friend Megan, her fiancé and their daughter, for dinner at the Boardwalk on Bulverde. It's a food truck park that we've loved going to for a long time so it was a great idea. We didn't realize though until we got there that this weekend was their Food Truck Throwdown so it was super crowded. Totally fine but heat + crowds + a tantrum-y babe don't mix. The food and company were really good but let's just say my child should've stayed home. hahaha

 

The rest of the weekend consisted of important things like admiring my new Old Navy clearance necklace (yes, I totally spent time admiring it), Ronnie whipping up frozen bananas into faux ice cream, sniffing Fall candles and wanting to cry because fall feels so far away and dressing up our child like a little old lady at Target...the yooj. It was a good weekend.

 

 

Hey-oh! Notice a new look around here???

 

Thanks to Jana, I have a snazzy new blog design that I am completely in love with! I have a new button and Jana even makes her design logo match YOUR design. (see the bottom of the page) Isn't that awesome? I just gave her my ideas, a color palette and she whipped it up super fast. I highly recommend her! Check out her design page here. I also updated my about me + us page and created a daily reads page :)

A kid's night in Austin.

Not sure if you've heard this but San Antonio is hot. Much like the rest of Texas. So what do we do during the summer? Anything involving water. The pool, lakes, rivers, whatever. Or we're forced (I say forced like it's a bad thing. ha) to go to places like SeaWorld, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, Splashtown or drive to New Braunfels for Schlitterbahn. Those are all awesome but sometimes you just want a relaxed place, so Ronnie -being the awesome dad he is- had the idea to find Violet a splash pad. But for some reason, there are like zero splash pads in San Antonio. (Yeah, I said like. Ronnie hates that.) Maybe because we're so water conscious? Who knows.

 

Since we're always down for a road trip, I googled splash pads in Austin and the first result was "25 Austin area splash pads". Perfect. Thank goodness for our much cooler neighbor. So we packed up our girl late in the day Saturday (to avoid the hottest temps of the day) and headed to Austin. 

 

The first stop was Ricky Guerrero park - a little park tucked into the back of a neighborhood. There were 3 other kids playing when we got there and it wasn't packed at all. So nice. This splash area was small but had plenty of room for a good amount of kids and it was completely perfect for someone V's size. It also had a ton of shade so that was a major plus. The first 5 pictures below are from there. Our only complaint was that the water turned off earlier than expected (apparently it shut off a half hour earlier than it should have). But nice thing about Austin having so many splash pads is that there's always another nearby so we headed over to the Liz Carpenter fountain at Bulter Park (the rest of the pictures :). That one was insanely crowded but the view - you can't beat a splash area with a view. The entire Austin skyline was right there! Violet was a little worn out by then but still managed to have fun. I mean, WATER. She loves it.

 

Quick side story about the annoying man and his baby son in the above picture.

 

See, Violet LOVES other babies and immediately goes up to them so we already knew she'd be happy right next to this little boy. But he had sunglasses on (I'm guessing prescription after what happened) and another thing Violet loves is sunglasses. So she goes up to this kid, reaches (not grabs, but reaches) for the kid's glasses and while I'm trying to keep her from actually getting a hold of this kid, the dad rushes over to put his hand in front of Violet and in what I swear felt like slow motion, he yells "No no no no no!". You'd think my daughter was getting ready to push his son off a rooftop ledge. I quickly apologize and explain that she just loves sunglasses and meanwhile the son starts screeeeaming so the dad scowls at me and takes his son to the opposite end of the fountain. Dra-ma! Violet was still drawn to him though and as you can see, Ronnie had to keep stepping in to take her away. Like her dad, she's stubborn so I'm sure she would've eventually taken those glasses right off the boy's face...and ain't nobody got time to get into a fight with another parent.

 

But anyway. Happy, non-crazy people thoughts.

 

Can you see the happy on this child's face? Gawd, I love her. She had the best. time. ever.

 

And THIS. Downtown Austin sure is pretty.

 

We've wanted to move there for years but apparently everyone else and their mother from outside of Texas wants to also, so now it's just way too crowded. I'm just grateful a city with so much to do is nearby and we can visit whenever we want. Even if crazy parents do run rampant here, Austin's always a favorite.

The happs lately...

Isn't it amazing how easy it is to get caught up in REAL life and lose focus on blogging for a while? It's pretty nice, to be honest.

Also, I realized that my last post probably made it seem like I was holding back some major news and oops, I didn't mean to be a tease. No big news over here.

Alls I've got is work, baby, Ronnie, baby, home and that's about it. So here's the gist:

+Work has been a dramatic roller coaster lately which has kept me busy and super happy, actually.

+I've been selling V's clothes like a mad woman on my IG shop. (It's like a part time job in itself but SO fun.)

+We bought annual passes to SeaWorld/Aquatica and are obsessed already. We went this past Saturday and Sunday and had the best time. It's hot as balls outside but totally worth it.

+Ronnie's been busting his booty at his new job and I'm so proud of him!

+Speaking of his booty, he's seriously rocking the weight loss thing (35 lbs!)! And the summer-SAHD thing.

+Violet is awesome and cute as all get out lately. She's CONSTANTLY dancing and kicking her legs (most hilarious thing ever) and she does this squinty face smile now that almost literally melts my heart every time. She talks non-stop, throws plenty of tantrums and is just the coolest kid. She's sleeping pretty great too (for the most part) so I'm finally feeling human again. Not completely, but mostly.

Speaking of kids though, I've gotta bring it back to Ronnie who had a dream recently that I was pregnant.

A dream that caused me to go into a week long panic because of course, with my luck, I'd totally be the girl with an IUD who got pregnant.

This week long terror made me realize, as awesome as our kid is, mama seriously ain't ready for baby #2.

Not now and maybe not ever. #sadbuttrue

Obviously that dream really screwed with me.

But moving on. How have y'all been?

love and music.

I am still in shock that a year has flown by since this day last year, my due date.

 

A year ago today we were hanging out at my parents' and we could barely talk about anything other than the little girl that was about to enter our lives. We had no idea who she would look or act like and it was the most nerve wracking, exciting time EVER.

  

not my most flattering picture but 40 weeks preggo wasn't exactly my hottest point thank you very much.



 

A year later there's no question as to who she looks like (me. Duh.) and who she acts like (her father. The fool :).

 

She is our 50/50 little bundle of awesomeness.

 

She loves music SO much (can ya tell? :) and I couldn't be more excited about that. Music is near and dear to Ronnie and I and has played such a big part in our relationship. I'm happy to share that love with our babe.

Speaking of music, go on and download yourself this little diddy by one of my favorite bands. If you're an 80s music lover like me, you'll love it. V and I had a nice little dance party to this one on Sunday :)

Oh, so many things

Well hellloooo! I am finally. freaking. back! (in case you didn't see my previous post stating the exact same thing ;) What an insane 11 days, y'all! MAJOR thanks to my friends who guest posted for me while I was gone. I was SO happy knowing my blog was in good hands!

So my work event went so great and we had the best time. BUT this was my fifth year taking this trip and while it was a blast in my non-baby days, it's now just over the top to be away for so long. Ronnie held down the fort like a champ though and shout out to my mom and MIL for helping him out. I can only imagine how tough it all was.

I've told some of you about my job before but I'm too nervous to post the details here! :/ But if you follow any baby stores/blogs/companies on social media, you may have heard them talking about a show recently. That's where I was! That's the huge event we work on! I just don't talk about it here so that my blog won't pop up on any searches for my company. Ya know? Aw-kward.

The trip included a three days of set up, four days of event, then tear down. The days are long and there's not much time for sleep but the bosses make it up to us in tons and tons of food and drink. So if you follow me on IG (colormejesss) you've seen most of these already!

The food! and the drinks! Oh my. I'm sure I gained at least 5 lbs. If not more.
And funny how I mostly took pictures of the drinks. Shows you where my head was at! ;)

I did actually get some scenery/random pics in though, don't you worry!

It was cool and so Fall-ish there that I almost didn't want to come back. Almost ;)

Of course I had more important things to come home to! When Ronnie picked me up at the airport, I hopped in the backseat with V and her eyes went wide, as if she was in shock! ha! We made a short drive to a restaurant for dinner and the whole way there she couldn't take her eyes off me. Holding her again was the absolute BEST.

Since then, I've taken about a hundred pictures of her (making up for lost time, right?) and we're getting her back to her usual self. Because what I failed to mention here, on Twitter or on FB is that V had a visit to the ER while I was out of town. Talk about freaking out. It wasn't serious but still scared the hell out of me and I know it was awful for Ronnie and his mom to see her in pain...But she's good now and more on that in the next post.

Now, it's back to work, back to my family and back to the usual. I couldn't be more excited!

Back to life, back to reality.

Today is the day I thought would NEVER get here! I finally fly home today at noon, 11 days after leaving to Louisville.

My work event went so well and we had fun during the evenings but I am RIDICULOUSLY ready to get home and cuddle my loves. Isn't it the stupidest thing to take a mom away from her infant for this long?! Not sure I can do this trip again next year. But that's another story for another day.

I'm pretty sure I'll be drained for at least a week but that doesn't matter because I owe a huge break to Ronnie for holding down the fort and being a single dad for nearly 2 weeks! He's an amazing father, to say the least.

Not sure how quickly I'll be back in blog world but I hope every one of y'all is doing well! I'll see ya when I see ya :)