Ask any of my close friends and family and they'll tell you that YES, Jessica really want a second child; it just depends on the day you ask her. And probably on how much sleep she got the night before.

I've been going back and forth with the idea of a second child probably since Violet turned 1. But it was just me being me and stressing for no reason because I never wanted a second child within 1-2 years. And every time I would talk to Ronnie, he wasn't really on board anyway. He'd say stuff like "Do you really want those sleepless nights again?", "Don't you like all of our focus just on Violet?"... All valid feelings that I too was feeling, I was just getting wrapped up in the superficial reasons for having another baby. Getting to name him or her, shopping for them, how cute she'd be as a big sister, outings with our little family of 4...not really thinking about the reality and $$$ of it all.

Fast forward to the past few days when it hit me that Violet turns 3 in February. No matter how many times I've gone back and forth about wanting another one, I always knew one thing for sure - I wanted my babies to be 3-4 years apart. No more, no less. And considering it would take however long to make a baby (especially because of my PCOS history) + 9 months to bake him/her....we'd have to make our decision to get busy ASAP. So, cue the freak out.

Now that we're HERE at the point of deciding on a possible second baby, my mind's been racing with all the pros and cons of why we should and I just can't figure out my stance. It's all very emotional to me and while some people might call me dramatic or say I'm way overthinking it, I can't say I agree. Having a second baby - adding another HUMAN to this earth! - is a ridiculously huge decision and there's no going back once you go there. (Not that I'd ever want go back on it, but you know what I mean.)

To make matters more confusing to me, recently Ronnie has actually started to warm to the idea of another. Every time he sees Violet play with other kids or especially when he sees her playing alone, it breaks his heart and he says "Let's just do it, let's have another! She NEEDS a sibling.". But I know him and I know he's going through the superficial reasoning that I've often gone through. We see her loving and just cuddly, sweet personality and we know she would be an amazing big sister (and I'm tearing up just typing that)....But would I, would WE, make amazing parents to two children?? Or would she be just fine as an only child??

We're already stressed as it is, our schedules are stretched to the max and we're just now getting to the point where we're dreaming of taking family vacations in the next year, now that Violet is getting older. We also daydream of all the fun things we can do ALONE because now that Violet is at this fun, interactive age that it's easier on the grandparents to take her, they're actually taking her more often lately. So even with the hectiness of it all, we're in our groove and things are running smoothly. A year from now things may even be SMOOTHER, what with Ronnie having finally graduated and hopefully having found a good full time job by then. (He WILL have a great job by then - gotta put that good juju out there!)

That's all just a small part of it because what about MONEY. Everything is just so . freaking. expensive nowadays. Can we afford daycare AND preschool? What about those two new cars we were talking about getting next year? (that we NEED) What about staying put and being content in our 2br house - we'd NEED a bigger house sooner than later. We can say goodbye to any family vacations for a good while. And I can also say goodbye to the possibility of me ever working part-time hours like we'd talked about. It's just so overwhelming when I think about it and I'm afraid that's how our life would be with a new addition - OVERWHELMING. Are we ready for that? Do we want that?

Ok, all of that sounded so very selfish but it's honest, y'all. These are legitimate things we need to think about. And having said that, I want to add that we don't take our one amazing child for granted. I know there are many people who want even just one child but can't and that's completely unfair bullshit. And here I am talking the way I am when I already have my girl. But trust me, at the end of the day, I am the most thankful to just have been able to be a mother at all. I never thought it would happen (that damn PCOS) so our surprise baby will always be considered a miracle and a gift to us and we'd be perfectly content to stay the little threesome we are now. We are just at a crossroads now and I (we) need to be sure we make the right, best decision for our family's future and for her. It's a big one.

I know it's something within ourselves and within our family to figure out but if you have any helpful insight (either way), I'd love to hear it. Especially if you're also an easily stressed out, maybe even A.D.D. person like me. ha. I appreciate anyone who reads or even comments on this insane novel of mine. :)

Where Have I Been?!

I hate hate hate taking such long blog breaks. But this hasn't been by choice, friends.

My ginormous work event has finally come and gone and I can breathe a sigh of relief...until we start planning the next (smaller, thankfully) event in a couple months. So here's a random list of what's been going on around these parts!

-We've started looking for our new place. We're grateful to my parents for letting us stay with them but 2 1/2 months is long enough. We thought we'd last until January but I don't think we can. We want to spend as much time as possible together ALONE before bebe and really, I'd just like my own space again dammit!

-But you know what, house hunting sucks. We're only renting (until Ronnie finishes school) so we want to be picky but really can't be, ya know? It's not our forever or even 5 year house so I know I just have to accept what's good for us right now.

-If you're my Twitter friend, you already saw this pic..but let me just say again, I am OBSESSED with my Erin Condren planner. This planner just makes me want to be extra organized! It's kinda huge but I love it anyway and I catch myself desperate to make any sorta plan so I can write it in. ha! #loser

-Spending nearly 2 weeks in Louisville really messed with my allergies. I'm still not over the stuffiness and today, I started with a weezy cough and chest pain. Please lord, I cannot get sick.

-Besides feeling yucky, I'm just glad the weather has cooled down some. It's feeling very much like a Texas fall and I am loving it!! Let's just hope it sticks around.

-I turned 29! And it was a lousy birthday to say the least. I flew out on my birthday and then had to celebrate that night with my annoying co-workers. ha! But no biggie, there'll be more to come. Especially since next year, we'll have a little 7 month old hanging out with us :)

-And speaking of that baby....guess what? ..................

61% of you were right...It's a GIRL!!!!! :D

She actually cooperated and showed "herself" the weekend before I left for my trip (I paid for a private ultrasound outside the doctor's office because I'm that impatient) and then the doctor's office confirmed it last week. I was in shock at first  but I should've trusted my initial instinct - I've always known it was a girl <3

Baby V. is so loved and already has some cute outfits waiting for her!

(sorry for crappy quality but you get the idea!)

So that's about it! Bear with me while I catch up on reading my 1000+ undread blog posts.

I hope all of you are doing wonderful and I'm sooo looking forward to getting back into the blogging groove! Happy Monday, y'all!