This is a sponsored post with a giveaway provided by Dr. Smith's. I have been chosen to be one of their Premium Parents and I'll have some fun giveaways and posts for you, thanks to them. As always, opinions are my own.

 

I wonder how many posts I've started with "I can't believe how fast time is flying by...". Just yesterday, Violet turned 17 months. 17 months, y'all!! And being that it was a Sunday, which is also the day my due date fell on, I couldn't help but think about how different life is now from those early days of mom-hood. I will never claim to be a pro at this mom gig but compared to the new mom back in February of 2012, I can say I've definitely upped my game. Parenting is a never-ending learning process, that's for sure.

 

 

It's well known around here that Violet was our surprise baby and coming from that place, I'd have to say that I was probably just about the most unprepared mom ever. As in, EVERYTHING was a surprise to me. Being told you probably can't have kids, you let go of dreaming about life with your future babies, you don't really make any plans for that kind of life...And then a surprise pregnancy comes and changes your life in the best way possible.

I don't think anyone could have prepared me for the flood of emotions I would feel the moment I had her...or for the fact that those emotions will. never. go. away.  Mix in some serious sleep deprivation and the worry wart in me just about quadrupled. I was so. dead. tired but couldn't keep myself from always checking on her to make sure she was breathing. I couldn't help but wonder about all the possible things her cries could mean (surely, she's sick and we need to get her to the dr asap!!). Becoming a mom upped my crazy and it upped my anxiety. I can't say I handled it all very well, either. Poor Ronnie had to deal with my crying fits, my random stress outbursts and just my overall EXHAUSTION. But he was going through it too and no one fully knows your new life as a parent quite like your significant other. We have a better and stronger relationship than ever, thanks to her.
 

Life is just so amazingly different now with a child. Who knew I would feel my child's pain when she was sick? Who knew I would be able to survive and actually function on just a couple hours of sleep? Who knew I wouldn't throw up the moment she had a massive poop explosion? Who knew I'd be that mom who takes 100 picture of her every day and not once actually care what anyone thinks? Who knew I'd think her gassy little farts were the cutest thing (and now as a toddler, pretty hilarious)? Who knew I would get so ballsy and not let anyone tell me how to parent my child? There's so many things that have surprised me about being a parent but the biggest thing for me has been that, you will learn as you go and you will actually know what you're doing! Like I said before, for someone as unprepared as me, I've actually been able to pull off being a mom ;) Who knew??!

The books, the websites and chatting with other moms is helpful but it only gets you so far. Your motherly instincts will take over and you just go with it. NO ONE can prepare you for the true magnitude of the love and the exhaustion you will feel or how completely your life will change. You basically don't know anything about being a parent until you are one and then there's no way to go back. ha! But I promise, you won't want to.

 

What surprised you most as a parent?

 

Now, I'm excited to share with y'all that Dr. Smith's is now available nationwide at Walgreens! You can find the retailer nearest you at doctorsmiths.com. I was only recently introduced to their products and perfect timing too because it has helped Violet's recent rashes SO well! It is definitely going to be a staple for us now.

 

To celebrate Dr. Smith's going nationwide, they're giving away a $50 gift card to Walgreen's and a supply of their diaper rash ointment! If you're a mom or preggo, you should definitely sign up and get some Dr. Smith's in your life!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The giveaway runs July 29th - August 4th.

this mom guilt thing.

You know me, I'm usually all fluff on this blog but then there's days like today where I just need to talk. And I need to talk about Mom guilt. It is freaking REAL.

This "mom guilt" business is made especially worse when you're already the type of person that feels guilty so easily and when you always feels the need to explain. I am that person. I hate that person.

Now that I have V, I feel like every little mistake I make (and there are plenty) is completely ruining her and her life already. I know that's ridiculous but in that moment, it doesn't seem silly.

Being a working mom just adds to this guilt that I feel all the time. My MIL watches her Monday-Thursday all day and some days it feels like she is the one practically raising our child! How could I not feel guilty? I know this is just where our life is at for the moment (me working, Ronnie in school) but that doesn't make it suck any less. I don't have a job digging ditches or teaching a class full of wild kids but I work hard ALL DAY at what I do and by the end of the day, I am beat. And that's just when my day really begins! It's when I go home and am expected to be super awesome fun mom.

At least that's the expectation I've put on myself - it doesn't always happen that way.

Sometimes I get impatient, I whine, I just want a FREAKINGSECONDTOMYSELF, I cry, I raise my voice - all things I said I would never do as a mom. But I am freaking tired!!!! is usually my excuse when I've screwed up yet again, as if that makes it ok. It's not ok.

Yes, things have changed tremendously since she started crawling and then walking and just in general become a wild little maniac. She's no longer a little baby in my arms or rolling around on her play mat. Things have become just so much more and I am tired but that still doesn't make it ok. She's only this small for such a short time and I already feel like it's flown by so quickly.

To make things worse, I leave on a work trip next week from Monday-Friday. FIVE DAYS away from my child. FIVE DAYS where it's all on Ronnie (and his mom will help too, of course). FIVE DAYS where I don't have to take care of her and I get to sleep. I should at least be excited about that part but I feel nothing but guilt. This is my job and we so desperately need the money I earn on this trip but honestly? I could just curl up and sob about it.

All of that to say, I need to learn to just suck it up and be BETTER.

I need to breathe more, I need to focus less on myself and my exhaustion and more on her and the moment we're in, I need to remember that I'm not a fuck up as a mom (sorry, the F bomb was necessary), that I am giving it my best, that I work every day for US and I especially need to remember just how special this mother - daughter relationship is. I need to remember these things every day.  I am the only mother she will ever have and I need to just be BETTER.

Fellow guilt-ridden moms - how do you deal??

Future math nerd.

So remember that time I spent all evening making props and getting two outfits + accessories ready for a certain someone's 1st birthday photo session? The session was a flop.

Not on my end. Not on the photographer's (my amazing and patient friend) end either.

It was all on my child.

The child who was in no mood to smile, no mood to sit still. She wanted to cry and flail around like a crazy who'd woken up too soon from her nap. (Oh wait, that's exactly what happened.)

I thought having her out in the sunshine and cool air would make her happy but nothing was making her happy.

Except for a calculator. That DAMN CALCULATOR.

Not sure why Ronnie gave that to her one time but since then she has become ub-sessed. Sure she plays with other toys but only for a little bit. At least until she remembers to look for her calculator.

Needless to say, the photos didn't quite turn out as I'd hoped but there's one that's my favorite...even if that DAMN CALCULATOR is front and center. I'm sure we'll look back on this many years from now and laugh.

For now, the outfits, the props and the smashing of a cupcake will have to wait until our rescheduled session next weekend.

Such is life with an almost 1 year old :)

Hope y'all have a fabulous weekend! Happy Friday!!

Momhood

I haven't been interested in blogging this week but felt the need to jump back in when reminded last night by Ronnie that I haven't blogged since last week. I so enjoy when he randomly checks my blog.

I should probably be a good mom and post my daughter's 2 month update right about now since she turned 2 months this past Saturday (holy shit!) but I can't because I haven't taken special 2 month pictures of her. I haven't even collected my thoughts enough to post all her milestones, weight, etc. But I will soon.

For now, let me share a bit of my life lately in momhood. (I promise it gets good, just read ;)

First I have to tell you that for the past week (weeks really) we've been in survival mode. Violet's acid reflux came back in full force last week and she screamed in pain after each feeding until she was completely hoarse. Saddest.thing.ever. The pediatrician finally decided that Violet has a milk allergy and needed to be on a special formula (Yes, I'm no longer breastfeeding. Yes, I have good reason so if you have questions, please ask.) Problem is, she HATES this new special formula. It smells like funkalicious Cheezeits that have been left out in 100 degree weather for at least 5 years and if I don't even want to smell it, how can we expect her to eat it?

We spent the past week trying to get a screaming, kicking child to choke down that nasty formula. We tried everything and Ronnie finally saved the day and found a ready made version of the formula a couple nights ago and she seems to have taken to this so much better. (Fingers crossed that I didn't just jinx it.)

Having this new formula in her and not causing her pain like her old formula, is no longer exacerbating the acid reflux and we're finally seeing signs of our happy baby being back again! And for that, I thank you 8 pound 6 oz newborn baby Jesus!

So that's that on the kid end. But in case this post wasn't long enough, I figure I could also tell you about the time (last Friday) that I had awful chills and a 104 fever so I immediately turned to Google which led me to believe I was currently in septic shock due to the IUD I had just had put in a couple days before. Surely I was going to die soon and how can I leave my 2 month old daughter without her mother?!

Ronnie couldn't take much more of my serious freak out (because he's the sane one and knew I couldn't possibly have that rare of an infection) so he took me to an emergency clinic to shut me up so they could figure out what was going on. I'm sure they laughed behind closed doors at me because I had no fever when I got there and none of the blood work indicated an infection or virus. They said I might have a viral infection and sent my ass home.

I went home feeling silly for worrying so much. Until I went to get Violet ready for bed time and I got another high fever and more chills. It continued on through Saturday when my parents finally said to bring over the baby so I wouldn't get her sick AND so I could rest.

I slept that day from about 11:30 am to oh, about 6 that night. And I never felt better in my life. I was just literally SICK and TIRED. Lack of sleep is a real killer, y'all. Or at least enough to make you feel like you're going to die.

So I'm sure you're all wondering what the hell any of this means.

Honestly, there is no point. But what I do know is being a mom is the shiz.

I've never felt stronger or more confident in my life. Somedays I feel like I literally can do anything. And you know why? Because I'm taking care of a sick infant, a sick self (most of the time), a stressed out student/fiance, a house, bills, a job and pets...and I'm kicking ass at it.

Sure my house isn't as clean as it used to be and I can barely find the energy to get dressed in the morning but I do it. I do it because I love my little girl like I've never loved before. Having her has turned my world upside down and I wouldn't have it any other way.